You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
