WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
