Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
tell me about the eggs
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
