I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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