In the future we'll all be gay
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
