i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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