Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
