Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
