we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
