I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
