based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
