Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
