He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
