So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize