i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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