yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
