Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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