It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
