You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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