some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
