I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
