I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
