nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
