So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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