batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
