the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
