Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize