For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
