her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
This house was built for laser tag.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
