Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
