I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
