I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We need to rekindle our bromance
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
