What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I party with great urgency now.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
