Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
whose parrot is this?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
