420 ftw
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
