But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
handjob tips. give me some.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
