Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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