Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
its liver damage thursday
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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