i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
