TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
