she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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