there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
