i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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