Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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