If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
