your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize