I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
