Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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