peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize