You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
