if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
