This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
