i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
