You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
