Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
