Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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