You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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