I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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