As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
