I seem to have left my pride at pride
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
