pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
