u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
