Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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