True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
