I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
