I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize