please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
