If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
